hey look what i’ve found! funny how the thought occurs again. humbling when i know i should have known better. if you have the time…
klik sini untuk entri berkaitan dengan: .kehilangan.
klik sini pula untuk kaitan dengan: .aku lembik.
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syitah, jangan lari niat ye.
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p/s: sk tun datu hj mustapha meraih 3 emas sahaja. kami jatuh ke no. 4 kejohanan, yang tahun lepasnye adalah juara. uhuh~ cuba lagi. gambatane! duduk bawah astaka pun boleh sunburnt. demmit.
baru aku perasan. akhir-akhir ini aku post entry selang-seli bahasa inggeris dan bahasa melayu. kenape ye? tak mengape lah. at least i can brush up on both languages. sudah la bahasa melayu spm dapat 3 je. haha.
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hari ini, semasa minum-minum pagi bersama guru-guru lain (tiga lelaki dan satu perempuan) selepas melatih budak untuk kejohanan esok, aku sedikit keliru dan tambah sedikit sakit hati (tipu la kata tidak). baru sebulan aku di sekolah ini, guru yang perempuan itu kata aku lembik (dari segi kesukanan, kalau mengikut topik sembang itu). ha aku tau kau suka entri kali ini, kan? sebelum kau tersenyum kambing yang memburukkan lagi muka yang memang sudah iras puppet kambing biri-biri dalam filem musikal yang sangat menarik, the sound of music (aku tak cakap, abang aku yang cakap hoho), mari kita sama-sama kaji kenyataan ini. dia bercakap dan membuat kenyataan itu berdasarkan ape ye?
1. tak la pula aku berlaga siku dengannya untuk dia mengenal aku begitu. baru empat kali aku bercakap dengannye di sekolah sebab dia guru tahun satu dan duduk di hujung belah sana bilik guru. maklum ada 50+ guru di sekolah kami. tak sempat aku bersembang dengan semua lagi. ape kau ingat aku pegi sekolah melepak?
2. bila pula aku sertai sukan bersaksikan mereka? cuma aku pernah tolong dia uruskan sukaneka untuk hari penutup minggu transisi tahun satu dengan mengetuai senamrobik apabila guru-guru lain tidak bersungguh bersenamrobik. okey, senamrobik memang macam menari. suka aku la nak menari depan tu. dah budak-budak kanan dan kiri pun tidak fasih. kene la aku tunjuk.
3. mereka secara tersirat membandingkan aku dengan seorang lagi guru perempuan baru. iye, kakak itu lebih ramah. lebih bersemangat berseloroh. pasti sudah aku tidak begitu. aku lebih senyap dan speak when spoken to. kalau orang itu hu-ha, dia lagi aktif bersukan kah? tidak tidak. kalau dia hu-ha, tampaknya dia lebih bersedia untuk sertai apa saja. spontaneous gitu.
4. serius bila perlu. hal aku serius di bilik guru dan pergi kantin seorang pun ade kaitan dengan lembik? mereka cuma ada sepuluh waktu seminggu boleh la lepak kantin ramai-ramai dan berkali-kali dalam sehari. tidak cool la kalau ke kantin seorang tanpa geng. haha. sudah la ke kantin seorang, makan sambil baca novel pula. haha loser betul. itu pun still kena ngorat dengan orang kantin yang cute dan asyik tersengih, menakutkan.
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aku senyum sebab aku tahu mereka cuma bergurau. mereka tidak sebut pula hal aku kadang-kadang makan semeja di kantin bersama penolong kanan satu or penolong kanan hem or isteri guru besar or ustaz or guru sebaya aku itu or kakak orang kelantan itu or guru berkereta persona itu. mereka tidak sebut pula….(tidak perlu tulis la, nanti masuk bakul pula hahah)
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sekurang-kurangnya aku jadi aku. biarla cuma main bola jaring di maktab hanya untuk first half sebab tidak cekap dan terlalu lembut hendak mempertahankan gol. tidaklah aku kene panas haha. tidak berpura-pura depan rakan hanya bila perlu mereka or memaksa diri hingga terjadi self-inflicted pain or berbuat di luar kemampuan semata untuk menggembirakan orang tetapi bila tiba situasi sebenar terus mengalah. haha. ye, aku sedang perli kau. kau itu lembu. eh tidak. kambing.
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ini nasihat ye. kalau mau jadi baik, berhabis baik. mau jadi anjing betina, jadi la anjing betina betul-betul. kalau sekerat-sekerat, nanti jadi macam batman’s two-face pula. eh? itu lagi hebat! sesiapa pun tidak akan sangka itu kamu! waaaay cool!~
don’t take life too seriously. if you can have a laugh at yourself, you’ll be just fine =)
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cerita lain: esok kejohanan mssm zon bandar 1. lima buah sekolah semuanya. moga sekolah kami menangi beberapa kategori. mau semua mustahil kut?
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p/s: hari ini hari khamis. abang dan kakak ipar akan ke rumah parents and pegi pasar malam and makan-makan. tetapi hari ini mereka makan-makan sambil ketawa menonton video saye menyanyi karaoke masa kecil-kecil tapi montel dahulu. aku masih montel dan lembik.
our world is a whole lot smaller than you think. today you will realize that your online friend whom you never met before is married to your friend’s ex-schoolmate. and she went to the same medical university as your ex-schoolmate. by tomorrow you will find out that your childhood friend went to the same local university as your boyfriend’s friend’s elder sister. and the other day, you learned that your boyfriend’s friend is a also a friend to your course mate. should i go on with the list?
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that’s not exactly what i intended to write about. the one i chose to write about has been lurking in my mind for quite some time now. i said lurking because it’s in the dark and it irritates me so. as the title stated, i’ve been going through a series of lostness. if there’s such a word. but it does describe my situation. it irritates because it happened again and again. i understand why it happened but i refuse to justify why i understand the occurrences and still find it irritating.
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it ain’t hard to imagine why i’m losing most of my male friends. when i’m online, i’m more comfortable befriending males who are older than me. maybe because they are better at having conversation with. plus i’m ever so curious on how the minds of these older men work and do they laugh, talk and eat the way matno and dzull do. kidding. interestingly, i’m always attracted to these men. but of course, for instance let’s look at a few, i ‘met’ this one guy because of the nickname i used while chatting that i picked from a book i read thus when he noticed, it means that he also read that particular book. scored! (note to secret admirers, if i have any: i like men who read). another one was because i joined a chat room where everyone uses english as the medium and he was also a former tesl student and we argued a lot over selected issues. scored! (note to secret admirers, if i have any: you must be an argumentative male). and another one, oh i forgot how we ‘met’, but i still remember him, so that ain’t bad, right?
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because they’re older and that it was just the right time for them to get married, out of respect to their spouses’ feelings, i stop the late night chatting, the occasional sms, the visit to their blog or friendster page. thus i lost my friends whom i could quench my thirst for quirky ideas, meaningful talks, periodic flirtation haha. why you might ask i stop messaging just for a harmless how are you doing? ? ahah harmless? not to the wives. mom said, you’ll know why when you are married. why on earth i stop visiting their blogs? nobody would know if i didn’t leave a comment, right? because every time i visit, i find myself turning green with envy seeing him blissfully happy and i don’t like the feeling of being envious towards someone else’s happiness just because i don’t have it (yet!). hehe.
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i can’t possibly go around town with a huge cardboard with red permanent ink marker-pen across it saying why the heck didn’t you choose me??!. wait….ke boleh? hahaha. no, the feelings never go that far with any of them. however, the question did cross my mind. i was with him when he was heart broken. and i was there when he was alone watching a movie (get it?). i was there when his works burdened him so. maybe as jannah had mentioned, we mend them for the next woman who comes into their life. baiknya kita. ceh. or maybe it’s because like what jehan commented in one of my blog entry, it’s easier for some to share their problems with the opposite sex. and plus, i’m a stranger. to a degree, i’m a safe vessel for them to pour their heart out. tapi mak kata, saya ni kalau orang susun ayat hendak mengurat pun saya tak sedar. jadi mungkin mereka ada memula langkah tapi saya lampi. haha. len kali cakap direct ye. macam orang itu ^_^ kan senang.
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if any of the guys mentioned above happens to read this, just know that you are in my prayers. i’m sorry i didn’t reply your messages and deleted you from my friends’ list. i do think it’s for the best. but also do know that i’m a stalker. haha. may you lead a happy prosperous life with your wife and kids. name your daughter masyitah can ah? ;p
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how the first paragraph relates to this entry? as Moist Von Lipwig said in Going Postal, more or less, “everything you do will, sooner or later, affect others”. so, take good care with what you say or do. ripples could start waves.
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p/s: panjang betul entry kali ini. to syapin yang diingati selalu, selamat pengantin baru!! teringat balik zaman curi2 makan mempelam di sekolah. tak sangka you’d be the one to get married first among the five of us hehe. tahniah!!~ sedeynye tak bleh hadir huhu~ harap tak kehilangan kamu pula.
sana sini mereka bergegas serius. ada jugak bagai acuh tak acuh. turun makan minum gosip ngurat walhal murid riuh berlanggar bahu. yang rajin tangan sarat latihan murid. berat akan rotan menyergah yang leka nakal. segak kemas aku lihat. sayangnya isteri mereka menggosok baju, membetul tali leher kan?. mesra tegas pada yang perlu. langkah tersusun, berkilau lagi!~
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sukanya aku suasana sekolah. sukanya aku melihat guru-guru, yang lelaki terutama, yang dikata kurang naluri keibuan melayan karenah budak-budak. menunduk melaras rendah sama dengan murid untuk bertanya hal sihat atau tidak. hehe juga mengetuk memial bertanya hal belajar.
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dulu masa aku ditemuduga sebelum diterima masuk maktab tercinta (haha), salah satu soalannya: “pada pendapat kamu, siapakah yang lebih sesuai menjadi guru, lelaki atau perempuan?”. sudahlah aku menyokong jantinaku. tidak, bukan aku begitu pasti. ambil minit juga mahu memberi respon. pada kamu, siapa? tidak lagi guru hanya perlu mendidik. membimbing pun guru jua. lelaki tidak boleh? tidak sesuai?
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aku sangat suka orang yang nampak sedang (dan) nyata menjalankan tugas.
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nasib baik dia pun guru? hahah.
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kelmarin sudah aku diingatkan akan cara bekerja orang sini. lain benarkah dengan orang sana? lain la kalau pernah mengajar sana kan, tau la aku. kata yang memesan itu, pada fahaman aku, tidak berjalan kerja dan belajar kerana kurang perhatian pada kerohanian. katanya lagi, habis berbuih mulut menasihati, habis makan minum kali mesyuarat, habis lelah mendidik. tak jalan.
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nawaitu tersasar dan rohani meliar. agama pada nama. berkatkah ilmu dan kerja? tapi katanya lagi, perlu banyak bersabar. kalau Rasulullah sepenuh masa, kita hanya mengadap murid beberapa jam sehari. kalau Rasulullah bertahun-tahun sudah, kita ini baru dua tiga tahun. mau melenting sudah? mau mengeluh? tak mudah mengubah tabiat orang melekat macam daki degil lagi berkarat campur dengan air masin dibawa angin laut. usaha. sedikit sedikit, lama lama jadi bukit kan?
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jadi, mari bersabar……and enjoys! ;p
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p/s: berita tv3, karam singh walia di kota belud? incik karam singh walia, mari lah ke kudat!! bantu selesaikan hal air dan jalan lubang2 kami ini! mengapa tidak selesai2, rasuahkah? kahkahkah.
it has been raining here since saturday. but funny, with all the rain and drizzle outside, we haven’t got any water supply in the house. haha. the worst scenario that happened to this residential and nearby area was a-twelve-day water shortage (absence?). it occurred because kota marudu and pitas were flooded. the same thing is happening again now. so, according to history, i have another six days of water shortage to go. yeay~. what if it floods for more than twelve days?
*ribbet*
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my pupils and their family doesn’t seem to be bothered. sure they have been living life as it is since birth and sure they have their wells. but still, if they can live with rain water for every day usage, why can’t we? just a hypothetical question, don’t answer that.
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i was torn between embracing one of God’s bliss and saving my room. if it rains, i’ll have water. but my room will get wet from the ceiling leakage. hey! what’s leakage compared to floods! see what bila, nazifah and dzull have to go through, they are in the same district.
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sometimes we ask for flowers and butterflies. but instead God gives us cactuses and caterpillars. do you get upset? no. because flowers will bloom from the cactuses and caterpillars will morph into butterflies.
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now the question is, what do i do and where do i go during cny’s holiday? hehe.
