topi berfikir aku

i washed my hair and it smells good.

2005 was great.

i got to know a friend who is in the same course. this friend was there. we just don’t talk. this friend is a friend, not a buddy, a companion or a compadre. but suddenly, this friend started to pour out his past and share it with me. i don’t know him. being a guy, he flirted. that is a fact that i could digest. but, what we shared was a secret (according to him). and i saw a whole different view of him (well, not much as all we exchanged since 2002 was the occasional ‘hi’ and smiles). but still, it was surprising (and cozy) to know THIS-him. it was surprising because we, who never had longer than a sentence conversation, suddenly share secrets (his mostly). and it is also cozy because, i like the sentiment he had on me. he trusted me, at that moment, on that month. why it happened? my guess would be, maybe because he had problems with his girlfriend or maybe it was because the affect of the latest movie released that month. but i’ll never forget the eagerness in his eyes that i assume as innocence and sincerity.

and then i met a man. a fine man. well, not face to face. the weird thing is, i forgot how it all started. he got a hold on me (don’t need to blab on that particulars now). just that, one, he writes (and at the time we got acquainted, he had a heartbreak). anyways, i was fascinated. we shared some thoughts, although it was as plain as “am currently eating whopper jr burger king”. but then, we stopped contacting each other and i cant recall why. maybe i chickened out. maybe he was busy working (he always is anyways). oh yeah, then there is this thing i had with a girl friend of mine, we freak, flirt and run (don’t ask, the things you come up with when you’re drunk and cant sleep). but when we run, we knew, this is what we want. however, when it came to this man, i think i “ran” because he is such a fine man, in my humble opinion (read: i chickened out and note: this doesn’t happened before). and who am i again? sheesh, he’s fine. and now, happy with a new special someone.

and last year, i thoroughly read my diary of…ermm, many years. the entries were mostly about anger, disappointment, achievements and crushes. mostly on crushes. it’s like a soap opera in there! the good thing about written history like that is you could learn from your mistakes. the bad thing is, you were reminded of all the silly dumbest mistakes you ever did (well, only what was written that is), and i hate this part. i could burn the book. i could erase the saved messages. nevertheless, you got another memory storage- brain. can’t run from that now huh. unless i kill myself or you kill me.

last year, i was a girl who think like a girl. not as someone i now wanted me to supposedly think and act back then. but i learnt.

"It takes a place in your heart and makes you smarter the next time", Emma Dunsmore in Alex and Emma.

looking back, maybe i got this thing plastered over my forehead with flashing neon lights à hey guys, got problems? need an opposite sex to lend you ears, a shoulder to cry on? i’m here, come and get me!