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.kata astrologis bulan kawal pasang surut. hadir kandung bumi dan badan. kalau engkau benar lihat, itu aku.

Archive for May, 2006


.priority - mine vs. yours.

went out for lunch with the gang (meaning mom and dad). a bad choice of day to be out for an ideal lazy stroll and sight-seeing of another kind in the chosen air-conditioned area. but dad insisted that i get my “upah” for helping out on the restoration of our garden that morning. haha yeah, it has been months since the grass were mowed and the shrubs were trimmed and the dead brown leaves were cut down from the several ‘macathuri’ palms that adorn corners of the lawn.

it’s sunday and all the main roads leading to our destination were crawling with one of many ozone-depletion-contributors aka vehicles. what are these people doing? why are they willing to be in the bothersome traffic when they can rest at home for the weekend? what drive them to buy, buy, buy? surely they cant be all dads with the intention of bribing their daughter. heh.

music get us moving. physically, mentally and spiritually. and i had this crave (and for that, it’ll usually fade away) for my own unlimited supply of music thus the MP3. a friend suggested me to get the sleek, orangy sony ericsson in-phone player + music transfer software. but then a parent said that that kind of gadgets are for the trendy (note:not for me, because i’m obviously not in that category). well, that was not the point. the mystery here is why we buy these objects that we don’t really need. a very experienced employee, who had and still works/deals with many contractors and supplier (who evidently earned a lot), shared a revelation with me. he said, from observation, that these prosperous people who undoubtedly can afford many of these trendy stuff own only the oldest model of mobile phone. okay, maybe not the oldest, but close.

i was in a particularly long queue in an outlet for health and beauty where i bought an adjustable gel arch supports for dad’s strained and tired feet which he had suffered for weeks. the store was bustling with people buying and looking and the air was humid as the air-conditioner couldn’t keep pace with the vast amount of body heat. two adorable kids were pestering their dad to get his attention for candies at the counter and a boy accidentally popped his balloon to the annoyance of his dad.

amid of all the chaos and crucial moments of children development, in the long line, in front of me, there’s a guy and a woman who was holding two bottles of a well-known-brand mineral water each.

now, if they are thirsty, why can’t they just buy a drink from the vending machine where they don’t have to queue and get to quench their thirst quicker and doesn’t contribute to the congestion in the store? if they wanted something fresh and nourishing, why cant they just get one from the supermarket where a variety choices of brand and double number of counters are available? and they didn’t come from around the corner of the mall to buy those branded mineral water because it’s a trendy thing to do, right?

or did they?

and what is it with walking around the mall or having lunch and leaving shades on top of your head? maybe they spend too much money on the branded shades that they can’t afford to buy hair-bands to keep their hair out of their face? or is it a trend too?

for the trendy, no doubt.

.untuk kamu.

harian merengus
esok merasa
semalam mengenang

bukan kamu tak hebat
dalam diam cuma kamu tangisi
berjejer air mata
jantung dah luka
robek nak jahit mustahil

sudahla
gerak jangan toleh
kalau hendak biar berpada

sudahla
tak larat nak dengar
kerna kamu bawa aku juga
biar sedikit
aku sakit juga
sakit sakit

hujung jalan ada cahaya?
sudah cuba berjalan ke sana?
dengan mata dan hati terbuka
jom sekurangnya kita usaha
dari duduk kumpul tangis
tak berlagu Tuhan pun tak mau endah

lihat ini
untuk kamu
untuk aku

12 mei 06
1045

.the most eventful year yet.

i washed my hair and it smells good.

2005 was great.

i got to know a friend who is in the same course. this friend was there. we just don’t talk. this friend is a friend, not a buddy, a companion or a compadre. but suddenly, this friend started to pour out his past and share it with me. i don’t know him. being a guy, he flirted. that is a fact that i could digest. but, what we shared was a secret (according to him). and i saw a whole different view of him (well, not much as all we exchanged since 2002 was the occasional ‘hi’ and smiles). but still, it was surprising (and cozy) to know THIS-him. it was surprising because we, who never had longer than a sentence conversation, suddenly share secrets (his mostly). and it is also cozy because, i like the sentiment he had on me. he trusted me, at that moment, on that month. why it happened? my guess would be, maybe because he had problems with his girlfriend or maybe it was because the affect of the latest movie released that month. but i’ll never forget the eagerness in his eyes that i assume as innocence and sincerity.

and then i met a man. a fine man. well, not face to face. the weird thing is, i forgot how it all started. he got a hold on me (don’t need to blab on that particulars now). just that, one, he writes (and at the time we got acquainted, he had a heartbreak). anyways, i was fascinated. we shared some thoughts, although it was as plain as “am currently eating whopper jr burger king”. but then, we stopped contacting each other and i cant recall why. maybe i chickened out. maybe he was busy working (he always is anyways). oh yeah, then there is this thing i had with a girl friend of mine, we freak, flirt and run (don’t ask, the things you come up with when you’re drunk and cant sleep). but when we run, we knew, this is what we want. however, when it came to this man, i think i “ran” because he is such a fine man, in my humble opinion (read: i chickened out and note: this doesn’t happened before). and who am i again? sheesh, he’s fine. and now, happy with a new special someone.

and last year, i thoroughly read my diary of…ermm, many years. the entries were mostly about anger, disappointment, achievements and crushes. mostly on crushes. it’s like a soap opera in there! the good thing about written history like that is you could learn from your mistakes. the bad thing is, you were reminded of all the silly dumbest mistakes you ever did (well, only what was written that is), and i hate this part. i could burn the book. i could erase the saved messages. nevertheless, you got another memory storage- brain. can’t run from that now huh. unless i kill myself or you kill me.

last year, i was a girl who think like a girl. not as someone i now wanted me to supposedly think and act back then. but i learnt.

"It takes a place in your heart and makes you smarter the next time", Emma Dunsmore in Alex and Emma.

looking back, maybe i got this thing plastered over my forehead with flashing neon lights à hey guys, got problems? need an opposite sex to lend you ears, a shoulder to cry on? i’m here, come and get me!