topi berfikir aku

watched royal pains. the hunky doctor was talking about his non-existence rebellious phase during adolescent years but it surfaces much later. in his case, it was during his working period where he went against the hospital administration’s decision and then decided to resign and started his own house-call service called hankmed. hank the hunky doctor of hankmed. hunky hank of hankmed. hunk hank hankmed. okay enough. so i realized i was in the same boat. no, not being a hunk excuse me but about not having a rebellious phase.

i wonder when my time will come.

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had a delicious dream a few weeks ago. it’s not about my dear husband or anything of that sort! sheesh. but delicious nevertheless! hahaha *evil laugh*

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p/s: find my eyes brimmed with tears, heart drenched with awe whenever i watch any good dance performances. and the dancers are strangers to me. why?

satisfaction of watching movies at the cinema is not guaranteed. even if it’s a great movie, it’s the atmosphere that always, always spoiled by inconsiderate audiences. for all of you ignorant people out there;

1. please, there’s no surprise toy gift in that box of popcorn! no need to dig that deep in the dark and make a helluva racket just so you could put one caramel-coated popcorn into your mouth and munch it nosily. does the noise help you thick-headed think and understand the movie better? okay, that’s forgiven.

2. stay at home/hotel/cheap motel/car or wherever it is that you could afford if you wanna make out. if you think making out at the cinema is thrilling because people are watching and you didn’t get caught, please do so at the back row. the ushers could see you, at least (ain’t that enough for you thrill seekers?). i surely don’t need to watch cheap, tacky gestures of ‘love’ while enjoying my movies. oh God, i’m being redundant. see how annoyed i am? don’t get me started at whether you’re muhrim or not. wait, married couples are not that desperate!

3. laugh, scream and applause all you want, smartly according to the movie’s genres of course. after all, we’re here to enjoy the movie. but what’s with the live and loud commentary? i’m not as daft as the person next to you to not understand the movie without it. whisper to his/her ears for all i care. oh wait, was that why you lean close to him/her and fondle for good measure?

4. the useful, evil creation of mobile phones and the dense mammals who don’t know how to set the creation into mute/silent mode. *bangs head on the wall repeatedly*

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note to self:

stop going to cinemas, you silly anti-social woman! instead buy a good dvd and enjoy it (again and again) in peace and comfort of your home.

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p/s: papaDom. two thumbs up!

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p/p/s: have you ever turned down invitations to a feast/party/an outing just so you could finish that book you’re reading? ;D

are you familiar with erik erikson’s stage of development? oh well, there’s always google. go read. anyway, a few days ago, i forgot what triggered it, i was suddenly reminiscing the phase where i think, i experienced an ego development of identity and role confusion which according to erikson, happens during adolescence (12 to 18 years old). wait no. i was younger when it happened. so, it’s either my ego developed at a faster rate than an average human or erikson’s well-known research is at false. yep, the latter one.

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from what i understand, up to this stage, development depends upon what is done to us. then it depends on what we do about it. i can’t recall anything that made me confused back then, meaning what is done by parents/guardian/teacher upon me. heck i don’t even remember being confuse. but now, it does make me curious on how the confusion (as dictated by erikson) arose at the first place. of course, it is initiated by our desire to search for identity and if one fails to find his/her place in a basic family or wider society, role confusion will happen. thank God, something i did years ago to counter that confusion, don’t ask me what it is because i don’t know which, make me a normal female i am today. as normal as any female that is. aren’t you glad i am, honey?

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now, the truth. i had a huge crush on one malaysian female artist (malaysian? please la kan. haih). up to a point where i brought her photos to bed. they are in her song album, you know the one with lyrics and a few portraits in many poses. i particularly like the one where she wore what you called a dress with a low cut neckline. it wasn’t a v-neckline. i think it was a big curvy u. and no, i didn’t bring her photo to bed and pleasure myself! duh. i shared a bunk bed with my brother. doing such would surely alerted him and my parents. i was only admiring her beauty in a way different than a child admiring barbie’s beauty. oh i don’t know how to explain it. if i had failed to recognize that an identity of a female, as generally accepted in society, shouldn’t has that kind of feeling towards another female, would i have become a different person today?

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i still admire women’s beauty though. teylians have a bunch. but after six years, i got bored. haha. and i sometimes stare. although i abhors when it is done to me, apa kau tak pernah tengok orang pakai blouse ini dengan gold pumps? i can’t help checking them up head to toe and back. but if i stare, i do try to do it very subtly! hehe. anyhow, this is a wholly different thing. nothing to do with erikson’s stages. ini cuma macam perempuan cemburu pandainya minah ni bergaya kenapa aku frumpy? atau yang positif sikit macam lawanya dia kalaulah aku pun pandai bergaya. ha.

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have you ever go through similar phase while growing up? the searching and the confusion.

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p/s: there’s nothing interesting about that artist anymore. don’t know what i was thinking! and then there was jessica rabbit “i’m not bad, i’m just drawn that way”. aaaaouuuu! ;p

despite the good and great happenings around me…weddings, proposals, raya, birthdays…sadness leaked in too. ones that make your heart reaches out emphatically and squirms because words of condolences are not enough. if heart can squirm.

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Allah works in mysterious ways. pray that He won’t forget us. pray that we won’t forget Him in time of leisure and need. ribut, tsunami, gempa bumi, virus. fizikal, emosi, mental.

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an interesting blog usually offers a bit of personal stuff in it, don’t you think? and i have always been a bit distant. occurrences and persons i wrote, chosen to talked about in here remain unclear/anonymous to the majority. however, to some who are closer, they always know. no matter how absurd the kata ganti diri that i used. so here is my attempt of being personal with you readers.

1. we celebrated three birthdays this month. yeay! abah, yop and suami. sayang all three of you. birthday-celebration’s photo is in my ‘family’ album. mirror mirror on the wall, who is the ‘biggest ‘of them all? hehe.

2. rode a motorcycle with my hubby for the first time ;D and lost my left contact lens while on it, don’t know that’s even possible! dem the wind.

3. had a medical check-up. tsk. anyways, two trivial things to share; my right eye, without help from contact lens, is 6 over 60. the pakcik nurse appointed at the counter said that that is teruk. dem all the novels i read in the poorly lighted room (bukan sebab tv, bukan, bukan). another one is that, because i’m fasting and there are two urine tests, i failed to fill up the small container the second time. questions: why are you so shy about urine which is a normal biological excretion that you had to cover the container with a piece of tissue before putting in on the counter? because the yellow color is a shade darker than that other person’s?

4. first day of aidilfitri was with the in-laws. surprisingly comfortable and full of fresh outlooks. takbir malam raya with all the siblings and menantus. prepared a feast like we’re having a kenduri, big family kan *smiles*. learned how to fold and fill ketupat daun palas. and my trembling hand dropped two arcopal cups and broke one. *sigh*. is there a being-a-menantu for dummies book?

5. i want to further my studies too.

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those above personal enough for you?

in the name of Allah, most gracious, most merciful

10 ramadhan

52 tahun

1 september hingga 30 september

15 hari

moga Allah swt memberkati

moga Allah swt sentiasa melindungi

moga Allah swt memakbulkan

moga Allah swt merestui

amin

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insyaallah syawal ni rakan dan sepupu hendak mendirikan masjid. hujung tahun pun ramai lagi. harap sangat dapat hadir! haha bukannye dijemput pun lagi ;p. ucapan pada kalian, tahniah dan harap semua berjalan lancar~